It’s been a very long time coming, but here we go writing again. If you are an observant individual you’ll notice that this site was created in 2015, and alas, it is now 2016. It has taken me a very long time to get to now, but here we go.
It’s Mental Health Awareness week (woo!) and so I thought I’d talk a tiny bit about that. I think it’s great because it brings what usually is kept in the shadows out into the limelight.
The thing about mental health is that deterioration can happen slowly, your life getting more and more grey each day, or suddenly appear, generally without realisation of what is going on until it’s a bit too late. It gets progressively worse, some days you’ll have good days, some days you’ll have the worst possible days imaginable.
Over this period of time, your self-worth is stripped away, the little voice inside your head tells you that you are unworthy of others’ time, effort, love… that you’re a terribly boring person and not worth listening to anyway. Until eventually you don’t feel as though you have any worth at all. And there’s no point being here.
That’s the scariest thing, when you are your own worst enemy. When you are the person that puts yourself down and tells yourself you aren’t worth it. You don’t need anyone else to because honestly you do a better job yourself.
And so you end up trapped in this ball of worthlessness, ashamed that you’ve become so low, all confidence has disappeared and you don’t know how to get out of this rut or what to do to make things better, so you don’t do anything.
I’m writing this post because I think awareness needs to be brought to mental health. I’m writing this post because there’s so many people who suffer and feel so completely alone when they don’t have to. I’m writing this post because if it helps at least one person talk to one person and realise their worth then that is all I could hope for.
You see, those who are drowning in darkness are generally the people you would least expect. They are masters in perfecting the facade of happiness, when inside they are crumbling to pieces, afraid.
It’s a very long, twisty, dark path. It takes a very long time. I know I still have days were I don’t want to move from my bed, I don’t want to talk to a single person, I wake up in a terrible mood and I go to sleep in a terrible mood. But it’s getting there.
If you’re reading this and you are feeling like everything is grey, you don’t know what to do, I can only tell you that you are worth more than you could imagine. You deserve more than how you are feeling right now, you deserve happiness just as much as the next person. You are worth the effort, the time and the love. You are worth it*.
So please do something for yourself, don’t keep it all to yourself. Tell one person. Whether you whisper it, text it, write a letter, send a smoke signal, tell a doctor, a friend, a parent, a dog, don’t carry the burden all by yourself. Take tiny baby steps, even tinier if you need. Be patient with yourself. Admit to yourself that you aren’t okay, that you need a helping hand, and that is 100% alright.
If you’re reading this and you know someone who is feeling this way, or know someone who is struggling, help them. Listen. Have a real conversation. Don’t give up it will take a very long time maybe until someone feels comfortable enough to talk, but be patient.
I’ve been challenged a lot recently with having a real conversation, not ‘banter’, but a real pouring-out-of-the-heart conversation. So I encourage you to do it too. It can be nerve-wracking to lay cards on the table, you may feel that the other person does not want to hear about your woes, but the odds are they probably need the same thing too. Lean on people, find good people who want to be leant on.
Take tiny steps.
(*this post is in no way endorsed by L'Oreal Paris)